A fool out of me

I have made a fool out of myself once again, for the nth time i have seen myself fail in a simple thing, and what made it worse is the fact that it wasn't me who saw it first. And a special person, someone close to my heart, seen it first and made me realize how stupid of an act it was.

I have made a fool out of myself by fooling myself, telling myself not to do this, not to do that, but i end up doing that thing. and i am never proud of this, 'cause not only did i make a fool out of other people, but a fool of my own self. 

This is not a good scene to see, this is not something to be proud of, this is not something I wish to carry for the rest of my life, but i know, aside from the people around me who care most about me, only i, can help myself, i got myself into this hole and i am more than responsible of pulling myself out of this.

I have made a fool out myself, and i wish to keep it that way, i have "made"  a fool out of myself. it was made and i absolutely have no plans of doing it again. i fooled myself, and the people i love and care for. my apologies, i extend.  
My gratitude, i extend as well, to the people who help me tirelessly, and i hope they won't get tired.  

10th

Happiness is just around the corner as many people say, i say no, happiness is beside me, happiness is where my Jaimie is. :)

Happy Ten months to us Baby, though i have been absent a lot of times, you never made me feel that you needed someone else and proved it will be me all along, for i know that for me, it is always you, and no one can ever take the place that you have, the place that you took, the place that i gave you, the place that God has put you in, beside me. always remember that my love for you will never change, there may come times that we'll argue, but i know it won't last, it won't stand a chance on the ground that we have, the strength that we have given each other.

if you can still remember that post, i know you'll smile and look back at it. it's been one year and i never changed, it is still You, and will always be You :)

Bear in mind that Quatro will always be the Quatro you first met, remember the saying, "mula sa lugawan, nagkaligawan hanggang nagkatuluyan" :) 

minutes late, but it's better than not telling you at all. Happy 10th to us! :*

I love You so much Baby, from the bottom of my hypothalamus :*

to my Jaimie

it was unbelievably fast how time flew, i didn't notice seven fruitful months has passed and we are now journeying towards our eighth. and to take as much opportunity as i could, i'm taking this one to thank you.
Jaimie Gemina Cruz Ilano, I have never been this happy in my whole life, walking into my life was such a great gift, i don't know what i did to deserve someone like you. You are the epitome of happiness, the source of smiles, and the reason why I love. Thank You for that night of February when you took a step closer to me, as i have taken ten big steps towards you, i never thought we'd go this far, from that night where i took courage to start a conversation with you.
I liked you even before that day we met, formally, but each day that passed i grow to like you more, i grow in loving you more and more. For there is no better reason of staying alive than living my life for you, loving you.
In the past seven months I've learnt to treasure every waking moment of my life, knowing there is someone waiting for me, expecting me to be the one to light up her day, not to boast but it's the best thing i do, brighten up your day. And this wouldn't be possible if it wasn't for you.
You made me do it, for you have brought out the best in me, and everyday, you never fail to make me realize that you deserve only the best, and my best i will give you. i can never be more thankful for having you, as miss Swift's song goes, "You are the best thing, that's ever been mine". This song can never fail in justifying hoe i feel for having you, Jaimie, i mean Baby. :) 
And on our special day, this simple wish i have, i wish to ask from you. 
Please stay for i will never ever leave you. The road maybe a little bumpy but I'm telling you, i'll hold on to you and make sure no one and nothing can ever hurt you. And for the times i caused you pain, I apologize once more, you don't deserve any of it and i promise to make it up to you, for all the times that we should have had together. In time, in God's perfect time, this will all be worth it, have faith in Him, have faith in what we have, have faith in me, and we'll never fail.
There's so much that i want to say but words just can't express it, for it is of deeper meaning that no word can explain it. You hit me straight to the heart and i will never regret standing in front of the target. I have found my Happiness and I'm keeping you for good.

Happy 7th month to us, may we have more and more to come! I miss You and I love You so much. i really need a hug right now, but i guess I'll have to save it 'til you come home. take care of my Baby, and I'll be seeing you soon, I love You Jaimie, baby. :)

another first, another try, another day...

June 6, 2011, i'll be going on a brand new journey in  bigger world, a place where the wildest of animals roam, threatening my dear life, will i survive? i MUST survive.
i can already imagine myself sitting at the edge of my seat as i watch my new professors massacre me and my classmates, i can also imagine how good will i be as a loner, this is probably the first time that i will walk into a place where i can say, "indeed,the world is full of strangers." this is also my first time to go far from home just to have myself educated, the first time that i will be away from home in search of a second home, a school.
but actually, i already found home outside our house, i found it in the mountains of Bataan, where i found true friends, and a family who keeps me safe and pours happiness into my life. 
and as i take this path, i would like to extend my deepest gratitude to the people who made my college life much brighter.


-to Papa J who never failed to guide me, thank YOU! :)


-to Carla, Pinky, Ajie, Hazel, Ate Nicole, Ate Clau, Ate Gappe, Kuya Ken, Kuya Jed, Angelique, Ven,Via and Jainne, the whole CA family, to Sir Gab, thank you! and to the gang, Mikee, Jem, Des, Jude, thanks for making me smile inmy darkest of hours, You guys rock! :)


-to all the Letran Bataan peeps who joined me in my two year stay in the mountain where i found happiness! :)


-to the LL family, Master Mella, Odieson/Dugong, Sarah Babes, Migs, Jentz, Jhigs, Buko, thanks for sharing with me glasses of alcohol, thanks for the tipsy nights,thanks for all the joy that you brought me, the stories we shared and the times that we spent, i love you guys!


-and to Jaimie, thank you for being the Best I ever Had, no words can describe how thankful i am for having you , I Love You so much! <3


thank you so much, and i'll see you guys soon. :|

"love, love, love, i want your love!"

     As the Beatle's song goes, "can't buy me love, love!", it is true that love is something we can't buy nor the person to love. Love is something we feel, like a tickling sensation under our armpits. (what did i just say?) :P
     Imagine if Love is sold along the hi-way, don't you think it will cause tons of accidents, especially to drivers who are feeling desperately needing love at the moment? What a tragic scene if that happens.
     But before we find love in a different context, let us first define what it is, so that when i say "making love" and "love-making", your silly grins won't appear and you won't get stuck to the sentence as you make your way to fantasy land.
     "Love is a magical thing", cliche! "Love is a gift", so Holy! "Love is always kind", even HOLIER! and the definition of love for the hopeless, "Love is blind", what the actual F? You see? Different people, define love in different ways, so many that it even cause conflicts within us.
     Love is simple, it doesn't have to be complicated, it mustn't be defined in many ways that it gets out of hand. Allow me to tell you how i understand love, and how i define it. 
     For me, loves something that comes to us, it is something we must be thankful of, it's a feeling that only special people can make you feel, love is the greatest Long definition, wordy yet clearly stated, shoot me if you disagree, and i am sure i'll shoot you back 'cause i'll prove you wrong, i know.
     Call me cheesy, but who cares? I just want to remind you, my reader, that being thankful of what you get is a gift in itself, most especially it it's love. Thank God I have found love!
     Love, in every aspect of my young life, i found it, i've seen love from the smallest of things to the biggest. Love is indeed the greatest, imagine, i find it everywhere.
     Check my smile, isn't it the best you'll see? The smile that only love can bring. Right now, i am not committed to any relationship aside from the relationship i have with my family, friends and my SuperBuddy<3 I can only think of happiness when i think of the things i love, and the people i am committed to, thanks for being here, I love you all! :)
     Smile, smile like me, because life is GOOD, help others and life will be BETTER, and LOVE to see life at its BEST! Love, love, love, i want your LOVE! <3 J, smile:)


-end:)

second chances...bring HAPPINESS

     In less than 20 days, school will end again, i feel like i am inside a tunnel and the light at the end of it starts to draw nearer, and as i work to achieve my goal, to pass every subject i am taking now and be the best i can be, i found what i will be doing this coming vacation, or maybe for the rest of my life.
     This coming summer, there are tons of activities that are lined up and i don't know where to start!But i know it's gonna be great... 
     Almost three weeks ago, i met a possible adventure buddy whom i think will be more than happy to go with me in my adventures, i never knew that we would bump each other and establish an instant connection. i don't want to sound cheesy, but yeah, it was great that i was given that chance to bump her again and share a lot of things.
     But before i bumped her the second time, of course i got to hit her in the first time, it happened at a party a few weeks back, two of our good friends threw a party to celebrate their birthdays and we were both there. Though i've been seeing her around the school, i never got the chance to talk to her or even approach her, i even thought of making up things just to catch her attention and hopefully she'll notice i exist. haha!
     And Thank God i got invited in that party and the chance i got was short but it lit up something, i talked to her about some things i couldn't remember anymore. I really thought that it was the end of it, oh God! I am out of things to say!!!! So i considered it done.
     Great, i had the chance, and i blew it! now we're going to be "perfect strangers" once more. Though i was tipsy when i went home, i still remember the chance i was granted with, so i told myself, second chances are given to people who has unfinished business, so maybe, i will get to have another next time.
     Days passed and i thought nothing is happening, i am starting to lose hope, what a pessimist. So i just went on with my life and did the things i always do.
     Arribafest 2011 came, and the second chance i was wishing for suddenly popped in front of me, so before i lose it, i grab a hold of it and BOOM! something good happened!
     From perfect strangers, we became INSTANT BUDDIES!  
     If you could only step in my shoes, you'll say i am one lucky dude for finding such a good friend in her. And for the record, since the day i met her (again), my smile never faded and my excitement for school, boosted once again.
     So i offer this entry to my Superbuddy, Thank You so much for making me smile, smile and smile! 
     Happiness is mine once again! :)  J


-end
     

End of February

     February 28, 2011, the last day of february 2011, a very special day because this is the day that Eleonor S. Mendiola will celebrate her 48th birthday. By the way, she is my mom, she is the one responsible for giving life to me and my other siblings.
     This is the end of the month but i consider this as the start of something good, something good for my mom, for my family. because another year of blessings and happiness will come, and this is also the day that i will be starting my countdown, countdown for her arrival, her long awaited arrival. after almost four years of being away from us, the long wait will soon be over. thank God!
     Most of you will not care to read this, because you don't even know my mom is, but who cares?  I love my mom and i can not wait to see her again. 
     Hi Mama, i can't wait to see you again, Happy Birthday! I love you so much! :))a